I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
