For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
