hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
