Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
