This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
