in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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