The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
