you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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