STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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