just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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