I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
