i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
