how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
