Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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