i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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