I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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