I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
