Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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