Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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