So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
