I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
