i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
