I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
