I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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