Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
