Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
