do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
