Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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