I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think I died a long time ago.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
