Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
