Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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