My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
