sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
