Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
