Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
