xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
try to milk me bitch
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
