kristin has been a bad kristin
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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