i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
