hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
