I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Bring me that man meat
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
