I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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