FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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