For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
