I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
