The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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