So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
