dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
