Will you blow on my dice?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
