I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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