there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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