Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
